Questions

My father never, to my recollection, spoke to me about religion or god or his religious beliefs. I knew, though, that he was religious. He was just very, very private about his beliefs. I don't, to this day, know exactly what his religious beliefs were, but I do know (or I think I do) they were Christian beliefs and he was a religious man. My mother told me, after he died, his favorite hymn was Amazing Grace. I remember a few occasions when I heard him humming it...or maybe even singing it. Or maybe those are false memories. I don't know.

Regardless, I associate that hymn with my father. Whenever I hear it, I think of him. When I hear it, I get very emotional and I tend to tear-up. Don't know just why, but I do.

I'm not religious, at least not in the traditional way. I don't believe there is a god that has ultimate responsibility for everything. I don't think there's a powerful being that created mankind. All of that stuff strikes me as utter fantasy. But I believe there is more to "us" than higher-level animals who can think and plan. I don't think there's an afterlife, but I think the lives we live allow us to have a mark on the future...or at least on the present. I believe in concepts of goodness and badness. I believe people should be good to one another. I don't believe people should steal from one another. I don't believe murder, whether by individuals or the state, is acceptable. I have morality. I just don't quite know how to defend it. I don't do it through god.

Physics cannot explain all the "BIG" questions to my satisfaction. But I don't buy the religious explanations, either.

It's late. I have to sleep. These questions won't get answered tonight. They won't get answered in this lifetime.

Without a Point

My "local" friends are few and far between. That's due, in large part, to the fact that I tend to be more than a little aloof in some circumstances. That aloofness tends to make people a little less than enthusiastic about approaching me. Another factor in "aloneness" can be attributed to my desire for private time. Though I'm by no means a loner, I enjoy people (in general) in small doses. I don't "bond" over the most common bonding factors, either. Sports...not my thing. Politics...I'm deeply liberal on most issues, but tend to get bored talking about politics. Social consciousness...I care deeply, but I have to be in the right mood to converse about those matters.

I'm not an easy guy to like. Often, I don't even like myself. If I have any claim to fame, it is the depth, breadth, and complexity of my flaws. I have so very, very many of them.

Before you say I'm overstating it, listen to this: my flaws do not include self-aggrandizement. I don't oversell myself. I say it as it is. Usually.

The purpose of this post? There isn't one. That's another thing about me that many people find perturbing. Sometimes, I go on and on without a point.

The End

I may be at the very end. We'll see.

I Turned 58 Today

I "turned." George Carlin's routine about "hitting" a certain age, then "reaching" another and "turning" yet another is on my mind.

Same Day Traveler

The association I'm with this week is having a special event tonight at an upscale bowling center. Open bar, food, bowling, billiards, big screen televisions. Big shindig. I'm staying in and letting the crowd have fun on their own. I slept one hour last night. I'll make it an early night and maybe I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.

I am anxious to get back home and continue the process of closing things down. I want to hit the road. I want SO MUCH to hit the road. I want to be able to say "Hmm, today is Wednesday, a good day to head toward Nova Scotia." And then do it. Same day.

As I sit here typing this, I'm listening to Girlyman on my iPhone, connected to the iPod player in my hotel room. Good music. I like it.

Fruit of Nature

Odd as it may seem, I had an interesting thought today as I was driving to work.

I was listening to an NPR piece about how the PawPaw fruit is becoming a real "thing" in foodie circles, even to the extent that it is being celebrated at festivals named in its honor. Yet the PawPaw is not a particularly viable product, from a commercial viewpoint. To an extent, maybe, but not in a significant way. So, it seems, these festivals are not about the money, as festivals usually are.

That got me thinking. If the festivals are not about milking the PawPaw for every possible penny, what are they about? And then it occurred to me: maybe we as a population are not as crass as I am wont to believe. Maybe, sometimes, we celebrate the gifts Nature gives to us simply because we're glad to have them. Maybe we're not as crass as I thought.

And then I began to wonder about other festivals that celebrate fruit and nuts and eggs and chicken and god-know-what-else that are, to our way of thinking, the bounties of Nature. And the more I wondered, the more I wanted to know.

So, here's the idea: explore these festivals and try to get to the bottom of them. Why are they celebrated? Why did they start? Are they truly celebrations of Nature? Are they, or were they, noncommercial in their origins?

I want to know. Maybe someone else has already written about it. I hope not. I want to learn first-hand, not through the fruits (no pun intended) of someone else's work.

Concerned about the World

I've not been blogging lately. I've been thinking, instead. Thinking deeply. I'm concerned about the world. I'll explain later. Maybe much later.